Culture difference and the subtle art of F and W

I just got back from the bank after signing my life away following the purchase of our new flat. In the end the idea of renting did not appeal to us and though buying is proving to be quite an ordeal and a terrifying expense we believe that in the long run it will prove to be the best decision.

Apart from having to fork out the deposit and therefore resorting to live on chickpeas and water for the next 2 months....literally... the main issue is getting all the parties involved to move in the right direction and at the right time almost like a dance routine and this involves the correct use of the F&W technique which stands for Fuss and Whine.

Much has been said about cultural differences between the West and the East and these are noticeable even in the small things like handing out money with 2 hands in sign of respect, avoiding to touch a child's head (more on this later) and other things. However maybe Singaporeans feel more Westeners that other Asian cultures or maybe the younger generations really do not care about the old ways but I have not noticed all this difference.

They push and shove just as Londoners do to get on the bus, they will pass in front of you in the queue if they can and will generally try to pretend they do not see you in order to get their way... so nothing new there.

However we have discovered that they find it difficult to say no and if pressed in the right way they will deliver what you need even if it proves to be a real pain. So this is where the F&W technique comes in. It comes in the form of standing your ground when they say no to your request and expect you to move humbly away. A stern look on your face helps and so does crossing your arms therefore showing that you will not budge.

The request is issued again but more slowly, with a patient note that sound instead as if there is no patience left and if they still say no the look turns to an ice cold stare and the request is made again. By this time the issue is resolved.

The same can be obtained by email with a threat to follow up with a phone call and then start calling every 20 minutes until the poor soul just gives up.

So this is what we did this morning when our mortgage advisor showed a little hesitation when asked to anticipate the completion by....a full month. His hesitation was to prove fatal and my partner in crime and I exchanged the F&W NOW! look and started attacking him from both sides until he capitulated.

I am not really proud of this approach but we need to go into surviving mode and the idea of finally moving out of this residence in 1 month instead of 2 is making my heart leap and my pockets happy so, sorry, but this is how it is.

Going back to why touching a child's head is considered taboo here Lisa, a nice girl from Taiwan I met a couple of days ago explained that it is to do with the fact that a newborn has a soft head and that it can easily be damaged hence by not touching it the risk of damage is reduced so it just is not done even with an older child. I instead explained that because the head is a delicate part of the body if a child bumps into me or seems to be falling my instinctive reaction is to protect the head by placing my hand on it and I suppose this is why a caress or a light touch is common in our culture.

We looked at each other in amazement. How could the same known fact provoke such an opposite reaction and behaviour? This is the beauty of it and we decided to meet again to discuss our differences in front of an ice cream. We never have heard of any culture issue with ice cream so we should be safe!